Surreal

You would think that after being pregnant for 6 months it would be a little more real.

But it's still not.

After two years of trying and years before that of wondering if we would be able to conceive, it's still surreal.

There is one thing that makes it seem real. And that is the tiny little foot that pushes back when I push it. Or the gymnastics that he does at night to get comfortable when we go to bed. I always wondered what this part would feel like and it has yet to disappoint. There are times when it's a little uncomfortable, like when my ribs are getting squished or I'm getting kicked in the bladder... but for the most part it just feels like the most special thing in the world that only I get to have with this little guy.

He's in there, 24 hours a day, hearing my voice (which sometimes scares me when it's not so pleasant... ha), and hearing my heartbeat. My son is in there, developing little folds in his brain, maybe sucking his thumb, probably even looking around at this point.

At first I was kind of worried because I didn't feel like I "loved" him, like I had this special bond of a pregnant lady with her baby. I mean, I always knew I WOULD love him, I just didn't know when that would kick in.

But now that's all different. He's my little friend for now, always with me, sometimes moving around and making me laugh as my whole belly visibly shifts. Or pushing me back when I push him. He is so much more real to me now. He's my little passenger, and while I can't wait to meet him and hold him and even to change his poopsplosive diapers, I also think I will miss having him literally with me 24-7. I will miss our little games, his reactions to different sounds and positions, and imagining that when he kicks a lot it means he's just super happy.

This whole pregnancy roller coaster is crazy and exciting and scary.

Today, it's 3 months until my due date. According to my widgets on my Google homepage, it's 89 days. Which for some reason seems significant. Less than 90 days (potentially) until I'm a "real" mom.

In other news, I'm getting close to being done with my 3rd jar of boysenberry jam. Ha! And I have eaten 2 artichokes this week and hope to get my hands on another.