Love

Aaron caught Isaac making this really weird face earlier while they were playing. I think it warrants a post here. :)

I really can't wrap my head around how much I love this little guy. It just blows my mind. Like there is nothing in the world I wouldn't give up or do for him in a heartbeat. Amazing how that works.

A year ago today I was dreading our infertility consult and depressed to know that 2 members of Aaron's family were expecting. I was absolutely drowning in sorrow, and now I know no greater joy than to see the smile on my son's face, or to see the way he looks at me.

I am so grateful for how the King of all creation rescued me from that sorrow, and opted to allow my womb to carry this tiny treasure. A year ago he was still a ball of cells too small to see on an ultrasound, and now here is a 13 pound beautiful boy with fingers and toes and ears and a nose. Simply amazing. More amazing yet is the fact that I get to be his mommy.

A year ago, I had no idea this was ever going to happen.

Small victories

Ah, motherhood can be so glamorous at times.

I am here to declare my victories from last night and this morning over... drumroll please:

Farts & boogers!

Yep. Last night the poor little guy had such terrible gas pain. His tummy was super tight, we were trying everything to help him work it out. I gave him his mylicon gas drops and started nursing him. About a half hour later relief finally came, and it was LOUD. Isaac looked so tired, but so much less stressed once THAT was out! Lol. Of course, we got to change into new jammies after that.

He's also had a bit of a cold this week so to top off the crying from gas pain last night, there was also the snorting and difficulty breathing that continued into this morning. Which made it difficult for him to eat this morning. So I got my handy-dandy nose sucker and went to work. I knew it was in there but couldn't get it. Even with Aaron helping me wrangle him. I busted out the saline drops and put those up there, much to Isaac's chagrin, and those really helped loosen up the culprits. I got the right nostril fairly easily, but the left side was harboring that fugitive like nobody's business. After a couple good crying screams and snorts, Isaac shook it loose and mommy grabbed it with the sucker.

Now he was able to finish his breakfast and he is happily cooing while he hangs out in his swing.

It was a rough end to a rough day/night. Hopefully that means a good start for today.

Quick update

Looking back, I kind of can't believe I am still breastfeeding. I am so thankful for the support and resources I had. I know I would have quit if not for them.

In other news, Isaac now has his own Facebook. Not because of my nerdiness, but to prevent friends who are TTC/going through infertility from constantly having to see and hear about him. So add him if you want.

Gotta go, my Monday awaits and it's full of work.

My "Babies"

Are you ready for some serious cuteness?

Scout loves her "brother". Don't tell Aaron I called him that. ;)

Isaac's First Hospital Stay

SO, Isaac got to have his very own hospital stay this past weekend.

It started Friday morning when I noticed he was crying a little differently, and he didn't seem to be satisfied after eating. He was very fussy, and I thought he felt a little warm but was not confident in my temperature-taking skills. I had intended to take him to the breastfeeding clinic anyway, and I knew they could check his temperature there.

I rushed around getting ready to take him, thinking maybe he really was just hungry and having a hard time getting enough to eat. I was still a bit worried, so Aaron went with me for moral support. And in the back of my mind, I wanted him there just in case.

Once I got to the clinic, I took him back for a temperature check. 101.9. This is where my first tears of the day came, not to be the last. Yikes! Way too high for my little 7-week old boy! The nurse who took it called my pediatrician for me, but the receptionist put her through to her voicemail (which was obviously no help whatsoever). The nurse suggested I could go home and wait for them to call me back, but I explained that last time I had been to the doc she said a fever this young was an automatic emergency room visit.

Since we were already down the street from the hospital, I asked the nurse if I should just go there. She said that she would. So, I went out and got Aaron and we headed up the street.

Thankfully there was no wait at the ER. And thankfully they still took him even though I stupidly left his medical ID card at home (my mom babysat, I left it out for her). They brought us back to be processed and then the real fun began.

I don't know what order things happened in, it's a bit blurry. But there was the IV for antibiotics and fluid. There was blood taken, well, they tried to get blood at the same time they did the IV but couldn't get enough for the lab so someone from the lab had to come back and poke him again. They needed a urine sample, and since you can't exactly tell a baby to pee in a cup that means he had to have a catheter inserted. Apparently when they did this his bladder was empty, so the left the catheter in with a tube taped to his thigh hoping his bladder would get full in the meantime. They allowed me to feed him and as I did, I noticed the smell of pee - and noticed the tube was still empty, which told me his catheter had probably come out.

Yep.

So they had to REDO his catheter, thankfully that time they got urine right away so they didn't have to leave it in.

Pretty much that whole time I was crying. Between bending over the table trying to comfort him while he was screaming the worst screams and turning so red his face was almost purple and wipe away all of the actual TEARS he had and me crying out of worry, fear, and that good ol' mommy-guilt (lots of illogical coulda shoulda wouldas), I gave myself quite a headache.

Then there was the spinal tap to check for meningitis. Another small miracle was that the spinal tap didn't seem nearly as traumatic for him after everything else. Seemed like the worst part was the numbing shot and the way they had to hold him bent over and scrunched up into a ball to get access to his spine.

The doctor told me he would have to be there at least a day for antibiotics.

They moved us up to pediatrics sometime in the afternoon, I think maybe 3 or 4 (we'd left home at 8:30am). As that nurse was admitting us, she said it would be at least 2 days, maybe 3. And that Friday counted as day 0. So, that meant we'd be there until Sunday, maybe Monday. She asked if I was breastfeeding, and since I was she said I would get meals during his stay (score!). Then she said that only one parent can stay! Oh, poor Aaron, he took that really hard. Obviously I needed to be the one to stay in order to feed him.

But, as I've noticed seems to be the case with San Antonio Hospital, they say these things and then sometimes take pity on you and let you bend the rules. As in, they let Aaron stay. I have a sneaking suspicion my friend who is a nurse there had some hand in getting that to happen, but I'm not 100% sure on that. Either way, it was a blessing.

There was another bed in the room, but we were not allowed to use it. There was a chair that pulled out into a "bed" so we slept in shifts on Friday night/Saturday morning.

By Saturday afternoon Isaac was doing much better, he was smiling and happy, definitely more like the little baby boy I know.

Saturday night we scored yet another amenity, an extra chair-bed so we could both sleep at the same time.

If I told you more, it would be describing a whole lot of hospital void - I feel like that's where my weekend went. I am just so glad and thankful that he didn't have meningitis or any other scary infection. Apparently it was just some type of virus, and we'll never know for sure.

I am also so grateful for friends who have our house key and came to take care of poor Scout while we were gone. It was definitely a blessing to not have to worry about her while we were there.

That's my weekend in a nutshell. I hope we never have to have another one like it!

Here's a pic of Isaac's feet with all of his various accessories. IV, heart monitor wires, and oxygen/pulse thingie. I think that's the technical term for it, too. :P

Small victories

Still gaining weight too slowly, about an 2 oz every 3 days as opposed to an ounce a day! Boo! So I am back to pumping a LOT, trying to get extra feedings in where possible, and using the SNS 3x per day.

The victories are...
1. I AM still almost exclusively breastfeeding, when I was on the verge of giving up a couple weeks ago.

2. He has historically taken an hour plus to eat, but tonight I had fed him, pumped, and was halfway done with my own dinner after an hour and ten minutes!!! And I ate at the table instead of on the couch while nursing! Shocking! ;)

3. He was screaming his head off after his 4pm feeding, but I was able to wear him in my Wrapsody wrap and calm him down (as well as do some meandering on the internet!).

4. He totally swiped at a mobile on his bouncer while I was pumping, and smiled after he affected a little change in his universe. :) it was awesome! Plus he was totally calm in there for about 30 mins while I pumped and Aaron and I ate TOGETHER.

So... yeah. There's a lot to be thankful for. And someday I'll add a few consecutive hours of sleep to a list like this one.

G'night, folks!

Post-partum stinks... literally!

So it has been nearly 5 weeks since I gave birth to my new favorite person.

And I stink! I was sitting there on the couch, feeding him (how I spend most of my time these days), not 30 minutes out of the shower and I noticed I was stinky. I guess it's a combination of hormones and breastmilk and who knows what, but I cannot wait for this part to go away!

Anyway... there's your TMI for the day. ;)

It does sort of stink in non-literal ways too. I have this beautiful little baby and I just want to look at him and hold him and help him develop but I feel like I have spent most of my time either feeding him or trying to figure out how to feed him which has been a struggle. Then there are times like today when I was going to be productive and vacuum and do some dishes while he was sleeping but he woke up crying (needing to be fed).

Here's a note about breastfeeding... it's not as easy as one might think. I can see why a lot of women throw in the towel due to issues like not having enough milk, or the baby not gaining weight, or nipple issues. But I have gotten so much support from Healthy Beginnings walk-in breastfeeding clinic that I have been able to overcome all three of those! I really wish more women knew about or had access to places like it. By the way, it's free, and you don't have to show any ID or insurance info when you go - so if you have breastfeeding problems and want to make it work, GO THERE. Or find something similar near you.

Pardon the rambly-ness of this post, I'm a little tired and trying to just get some new info out there before my little guy wakes up again. :)

And here is the most recent picture of Isaac, taken last night: