Crawling!

I've finally had to admit to myself that Isaac is indeed crawling.

And he wants absolutely everything he can get, except, of course, his own toys.

He is all over the place exploring. And he will not stop until he gets the dog's water or the plastic bags by the fridge.

Thank God for baby gates and my hallway and clean floor in the office. Yeesh!

Things I've found to be incredibly helpful...

Hilarious if not a bit... crude at points. ;) Thanks for the recommendation, Mallory!



So very very funny, never much cared for McCarthy but I've got to give it to her - she hit the pregnancy nail on the head with this one. Thanks for the rec, Julie!



Everybody, including my mother, recommended this one. And man, was it helpful! So many valuable (and blunt) pieces of information! :)



Once I actually had the little guy in my arms, we had quite the uphill battle with breastfeeding. This book had some valuable info. I took some of it with a grain of salt... it basically said nipple shields were the devil but if it weren't for those bad boys I would have given up breastfeeding altogether, I guarantee it. Now we do just fine without 'em. And my little 18 pounder is doing a-okay on his weight now even after a slow start.



This one was recommended by the oh-so-lovely Pamela Capps (prepared childbirth instructor and generally amazing supporter of moms). So far has been interesting, but I haven't gotten through all of it since I am most fascinated by reading about what my child is doing right here and now - and he's only 6 months old. So we've got a ways to go with this book.



I had no idea that my little guy would want to start interacting with toys, etc at such a young age. I believe we went out and bought this at around 3ish weeks when we started to notice he actually seemed bored when he was fussing, not just hungry or tired. This provided hours of entertainment and he still enjoys it from time to time. This will seem shameless, but I wish we had bought it on Amazon ahead of time to save $20 instead of shelling out for the jacked up Babies R Us price.

6 Months

Wow. I really can't believe it's been 6 months already. 6 months of less sleep and less free time, and more joy, laughter, and love than I'd ever thought possible.

Thank God for my little bundle of blessings.

I love you, Isaac Xavier!

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Murphy's Law at bedtime

First, he didn't fall asleep nursing. So I lay him down in his pack and play where he is content to pass his pacifier from one hand to the other as he gets sleepy.

Then I hear the all too familiar sound of the backside of the diaper getting filled. I wait a safe amount of time before taking him to change him.

Then I notice his nose is stuffy. Since daddy is watching a special he's been waiting for on tv, I don't bother him for the aspirator but pick Isaac up and bring him back with me (he is pulling my hair all the while) to grab it before going back to the changing table.

I saline and suction his nose sufficiently and move onto the code green in the diaper. As I have his feet up and am wiping him I hear the all too familiar gurgle erupting from the top half. He has really been practicing his raspberries so he must have done it right as the fountain of milk came up, because it went INTO HIS EYE.

Then he kinda looks like he's choking or has more coming, so I sit him up (back into the still open poopy diaper) to pat his back and make sure he's ok. 

Back to the diaper, when I realize he has spit up on his last clean pair of jammies. Oh well, they should be dry before it gets too cold in here.

At least he didn't pee on me.

But it's 10:19pm. And he is still awake. Barely. Here's hoping sleep finds him quickly.

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Belly button

It never ceases to amaze me when I look at his belly button that that is where he was connected to me.

And it is still weird to think that I grew this little person inside of my body. Amazingly weird.

Pretty sure he swiped a piece of my heart on his way out, too. :P

Sleeping through the night

Hmm... waking up at 2:30 sure does suck, but it makes waking up again at 6:45 easier than if I'd first been woken up at 5. Pros and cons, I suppose. Maybe someday he'll just sleep until 7 and we can put this whole internal debate to rest.

For now, coffee!

These are a few of my favorite things

1. The way he kicks repeatedly when he is lying there talking to the ceiling fan or playing with toys

2. The way he talks to the ceiling fan (or ceiling, or shelf above his bed, or... you get the idea)

3. His LAUGH

4. The way he grabs your face when you hold it over him and pulls it close for a "kiss"

5. The way he sometimes shrieks when he is doing #4

6. The way he smiles at me when he wakes up from a good nap

7. The way he curls his top lip in determination to reach for something

8. The fact that #7 usually involves reaching for a doggie

9. The way he grabs Scout's face and fur, and that she's so nice about letting him do it

10. His squeals of delight

11. His yawns

12. His sneezes

13. The way he leans forward a little in his carseat so he can watch out the window when we are driving

14. His DIMPLES

15. The fact that all I have to do is look at him pretty much and he smiles

16. The way his smile spreads slowly across his face

17. The way he smiles at his friends at "the office" (both offices)

18. The way he kicks and splashes in the bathtub

19. The way he holds on when I'm carrying him, like a little koala bear

20. The way he rubs his eyes when he is tired

Speaking of which, looks like it's time for a little morning nap. :)

Love

Aaron caught Isaac making this really weird face earlier while they were playing. I think it warrants a post here. :)

I really can't wrap my head around how much I love this little guy. It just blows my mind. Like there is nothing in the world I wouldn't give up or do for him in a heartbeat. Amazing how that works.

A year ago today I was dreading our infertility consult and depressed to know that 2 members of Aaron's family were expecting. I was absolutely drowning in sorrow, and now I know no greater joy than to see the smile on my son's face, or to see the way he looks at me.

I am so grateful for how the King of all creation rescued me from that sorrow, and opted to allow my womb to carry this tiny treasure. A year ago he was still a ball of cells too small to see on an ultrasound, and now here is a 13 pound beautiful boy with fingers and toes and ears and a nose. Simply amazing. More amazing yet is the fact that I get to be his mommy.

A year ago, I had no idea this was ever going to happen.

Small victories

Ah, motherhood can be so glamorous at times.

I am here to declare my victories from last night and this morning over... drumroll please:

Farts & boogers!

Yep. Last night the poor little guy had such terrible gas pain. His tummy was super tight, we were trying everything to help him work it out. I gave him his mylicon gas drops and started nursing him. About a half hour later relief finally came, and it was LOUD. Isaac looked so tired, but so much less stressed once THAT was out! Lol. Of course, we got to change into new jammies after that.

He's also had a bit of a cold this week so to top off the crying from gas pain last night, there was also the snorting and difficulty breathing that continued into this morning. Which made it difficult for him to eat this morning. So I got my handy-dandy nose sucker and went to work. I knew it was in there but couldn't get it. Even with Aaron helping me wrangle him. I busted out the saline drops and put those up there, much to Isaac's chagrin, and those really helped loosen up the culprits. I got the right nostril fairly easily, but the left side was harboring that fugitive like nobody's business. After a couple good crying screams and snorts, Isaac shook it loose and mommy grabbed it with the sucker.

Now he was able to finish his breakfast and he is happily cooing while he hangs out in his swing.

It was a rough end to a rough day/night. Hopefully that means a good start for today.

Quick update

Looking back, I kind of can't believe I am still breastfeeding. I am so thankful for the support and resources I had. I know I would have quit if not for them.

In other news, Isaac now has his own Facebook. Not because of my nerdiness, but to prevent friends who are TTC/going through infertility from constantly having to see and hear about him. So add him if you want.

Gotta go, my Monday awaits and it's full of work.

My "Babies"

Are you ready for some serious cuteness?

Scout loves her "brother". Don't tell Aaron I called him that. ;)

Isaac's First Hospital Stay

SO, Isaac got to have his very own hospital stay this past weekend.

It started Friday morning when I noticed he was crying a little differently, and he didn't seem to be satisfied after eating. He was very fussy, and I thought he felt a little warm but was not confident in my temperature-taking skills. I had intended to take him to the breastfeeding clinic anyway, and I knew they could check his temperature there.

I rushed around getting ready to take him, thinking maybe he really was just hungry and having a hard time getting enough to eat. I was still a bit worried, so Aaron went with me for moral support. And in the back of my mind, I wanted him there just in case.

Once I got to the clinic, I took him back for a temperature check. 101.9. This is where my first tears of the day came, not to be the last. Yikes! Way too high for my little 7-week old boy! The nurse who took it called my pediatrician for me, but the receptionist put her through to her voicemail (which was obviously no help whatsoever). The nurse suggested I could go home and wait for them to call me back, but I explained that last time I had been to the doc she said a fever this young was an automatic emergency room visit.

Since we were already down the street from the hospital, I asked the nurse if I should just go there. She said that she would. So, I went out and got Aaron and we headed up the street.

Thankfully there was no wait at the ER. And thankfully they still took him even though I stupidly left his medical ID card at home (my mom babysat, I left it out for her). They brought us back to be processed and then the real fun began.

I don't know what order things happened in, it's a bit blurry. But there was the IV for antibiotics and fluid. There was blood taken, well, they tried to get blood at the same time they did the IV but couldn't get enough for the lab so someone from the lab had to come back and poke him again. They needed a urine sample, and since you can't exactly tell a baby to pee in a cup that means he had to have a catheter inserted. Apparently when they did this his bladder was empty, so the left the catheter in with a tube taped to his thigh hoping his bladder would get full in the meantime. They allowed me to feed him and as I did, I noticed the smell of pee - and noticed the tube was still empty, which told me his catheter had probably come out.

Yep.

So they had to REDO his catheter, thankfully that time they got urine right away so they didn't have to leave it in.

Pretty much that whole time I was crying. Between bending over the table trying to comfort him while he was screaming the worst screams and turning so red his face was almost purple and wipe away all of the actual TEARS he had and me crying out of worry, fear, and that good ol' mommy-guilt (lots of illogical coulda shoulda wouldas), I gave myself quite a headache.

Then there was the spinal tap to check for meningitis. Another small miracle was that the spinal tap didn't seem nearly as traumatic for him after everything else. Seemed like the worst part was the numbing shot and the way they had to hold him bent over and scrunched up into a ball to get access to his spine.

The doctor told me he would have to be there at least a day for antibiotics.

They moved us up to pediatrics sometime in the afternoon, I think maybe 3 or 4 (we'd left home at 8:30am). As that nurse was admitting us, she said it would be at least 2 days, maybe 3. And that Friday counted as day 0. So, that meant we'd be there until Sunday, maybe Monday. She asked if I was breastfeeding, and since I was she said I would get meals during his stay (score!). Then she said that only one parent can stay! Oh, poor Aaron, he took that really hard. Obviously I needed to be the one to stay in order to feed him.

But, as I've noticed seems to be the case with San Antonio Hospital, they say these things and then sometimes take pity on you and let you bend the rules. As in, they let Aaron stay. I have a sneaking suspicion my friend who is a nurse there had some hand in getting that to happen, but I'm not 100% sure on that. Either way, it was a blessing.

There was another bed in the room, but we were not allowed to use it. There was a chair that pulled out into a "bed" so we slept in shifts on Friday night/Saturday morning.

By Saturday afternoon Isaac was doing much better, he was smiling and happy, definitely more like the little baby boy I know.

Saturday night we scored yet another amenity, an extra chair-bed so we could both sleep at the same time.

If I told you more, it would be describing a whole lot of hospital void - I feel like that's where my weekend went. I am just so glad and thankful that he didn't have meningitis or any other scary infection. Apparently it was just some type of virus, and we'll never know for sure.

I am also so grateful for friends who have our house key and came to take care of poor Scout while we were gone. It was definitely a blessing to not have to worry about her while we were there.

That's my weekend in a nutshell. I hope we never have to have another one like it!

Here's a pic of Isaac's feet with all of his various accessories. IV, heart monitor wires, and oxygen/pulse thingie. I think that's the technical term for it, too. :P

Small victories

Still gaining weight too slowly, about an 2 oz every 3 days as opposed to an ounce a day! Boo! So I am back to pumping a LOT, trying to get extra feedings in where possible, and using the SNS 3x per day.

The victories are...
1. I AM still almost exclusively breastfeeding, when I was on the verge of giving up a couple weeks ago.

2. He has historically taken an hour plus to eat, but tonight I had fed him, pumped, and was halfway done with my own dinner after an hour and ten minutes!!! And I ate at the table instead of on the couch while nursing! Shocking! ;)

3. He was screaming his head off after his 4pm feeding, but I was able to wear him in my Wrapsody wrap and calm him down (as well as do some meandering on the internet!).

4. He totally swiped at a mobile on his bouncer while I was pumping, and smiled after he affected a little change in his universe. :) it was awesome! Plus he was totally calm in there for about 30 mins while I pumped and Aaron and I ate TOGETHER.

So... yeah. There's a lot to be thankful for. And someday I'll add a few consecutive hours of sleep to a list like this one.

G'night, folks!

Post-partum stinks... literally!

So it has been nearly 5 weeks since I gave birth to my new favorite person.

And I stink! I was sitting there on the couch, feeding him (how I spend most of my time these days), not 30 minutes out of the shower and I noticed I was stinky. I guess it's a combination of hormones and breastmilk and who knows what, but I cannot wait for this part to go away!

Anyway... there's your TMI for the day. ;)

It does sort of stink in non-literal ways too. I have this beautiful little baby and I just want to look at him and hold him and help him develop but I feel like I have spent most of my time either feeding him or trying to figure out how to feed him which has been a struggle. Then there are times like today when I was going to be productive and vacuum and do some dishes while he was sleeping but he woke up crying (needing to be fed).

Here's a note about breastfeeding... it's not as easy as one might think. I can see why a lot of women throw in the towel due to issues like not having enough milk, or the baby not gaining weight, or nipple issues. But I have gotten so much support from Healthy Beginnings walk-in breastfeeding clinic that I have been able to overcome all three of those! I really wish more women knew about or had access to places like it. By the way, it's free, and you don't have to show any ID or insurance info when you go - so if you have breastfeeding problems and want to make it work, GO THERE. Or find something similar near you.

Pardon the rambly-ness of this post, I'm a little tired and trying to just get some new info out there before my little guy wakes up again. :)

And here is the most recent picture of Isaac, taken last night:

Growing Boy

Well, Isaac has outgrown his teeny tiny newborn onesies. He is now sporting the smaller end 0-3 month stuff and a few newborn size items still. It's mostly lengthwise growth, so the other stuff is a little baggy around the waist. :)

We are part of a new moms group that meets on Tuesdays offered through the hospital, and we went to lunch with some of the other moms and babies yesterday. I'm starting to feel a little bit more "normal" without sleep and I've started to brave taking him out a little more.

But not TOO much more. The boy still has to sharpen his little immune system a bit!

Ah, duty calls. That one's for you, Lori. ;)

Pictures!

A friend from church came over and did a photoshoot on Thursday... here is Mr. Isaac at 20 days old! She is such a talented photographer. :)

Danielle Simone Photography

Birth Story

Okay, I'm still not adjusted to life as a new mom yet, but here's the short (as possible) version of Isaac's birth story.

My mom came over on Thursday the 6th to help get my mind off of things (things being my still being pregnant 2 days past my due date). She took me to lunch, we went on a few errands, got pedicures. Then we came back to the house and my dad came after work to help Aaron pick up a closet rail from Lowe's.

While my dad and Aaron were gone at Lowe's, my mom and I waited here at the house to go get dinner with them after. As we were sitting there watching a TV, I felt the strangest sensation... like I peed my pants a little.

Well, I realized this was either my water breaking or I really was losing my uh, control. So after I went to the restroom to try and ascertain which of the two it was, I calmly came out and told my mom I think this might be it. She offered to call back my dad (they had just called from Lowe's), and I told her to wait because I didn't want Aaron to get too worked up - especially considering I wasn't sure if my water had actually broken or not.

My mom helped me gather up the last minute items on the packing list and we started loading the suitcases and pillows into my car.

When Aaron and my dad got back to the house, Aaron was pretty heated because Lowe's seems to have screwed up our custom order. I'm standing there in the hallway, with a rolling suitcase behind me, and Aaron is going on and on about this closet rail! Hilarious! Finally he stops for a second and I tell him I think my water has broken.

So we head to the hospital, my parents following behind. The intention is to go find out whether or not it's my water and if not to go get some dinner (I was starving!).

After a couple of rather uncomfortable tests, we get the great news that it was indeed amniotic fluid and I was being admitted to the hospital. I knew Isaac was not more than 24 hours away. :)

I got into one of the "big rooms" - the really nice first come first serve rooms where you get to have the whole shabang: labor, delivery, recovery, and post-partum. I send Aaron off with my parents to get food while they get me started with paperwork and my IV, and I wait to start pitocin until he gets back. I was having contractions, but nothing strong enough to get any dilation happening.

Aaron gets back and we start pitocin around 10pm. I'm still hoping to go epidural free at this point.

They didn't have to give me very much pitocin, the nurse sounded surprised when she only had to turn it up once. I was thankful my doc wasn't present because she said he would probably have her turn it up, but she thought the dose I was on was just fine. :)

I did alright with my breathing until around 5am. I was shaking and thought I might be 6-7 cms. I hadn't yet been checked, so I asked to be checked, thinking if the news wasn't great about my progress I would go ahead with the epidural as I was shaking and really starting to have a lot of pain. Well, I was only FOUR CENTIMETERS. Yeah, NOT cool. So I requested my new best friend the anesthesiologist to come into the room. He did and after a little bit of struggle to stick out my lower back through painful contractions, I had my epidural.

I'll spare you the details about my catheter and my baby's propensity for resting his head right on my bladder, but let's say I had a few issues there.

By this time it was around 7 and my doctor had arrived. As he was checking my catheter for problems, my water had another nice little rupture. Apparently there was "a lot" of meconium. And unbenownst to me, little Isaac had been having some troubling heart-rate issues on his monitor. The combination of those two issues made the doc start talking to me about the possibility of a c-section. He wanted to keep an eye on it, but we were still trying for a vaginal delivery.

At this point I was 6cm and 100% effaced. However, Isaac had not moved down at all from his -2 station which was exactly where he was 2 weeks prior at my check up, and the night before when I was admitted.

By around 8:00am I was 8cm, and the doc came back and said it could be another couple of hours before I was ready to push. He thought by that point Isaac might be in more distress. At this point it wasn't an emergency, and he wasn't terribly worried about the meconium, but he didn't feel comfortable letting me hang out and labor for another couple hours and possibly put my little guy into danger.

Off he went to gather the team for the operating room, and around 8:15 I started feeling the urge to push. The nurse checked me and sure enough I was 10cm. She had me push a couple times, hoping that she would be calling the doc back in to do a vaginal delivery. However my stubborn baby boy was not moving. Apparently Aaron overheard them talking in the hallway after my attempts to push and the doc seemed to think it would still be a couple hours before my contractions moved Isaac further down.

I was then whisked off on quite a scary little ride through the halls and rolled into the operating room, which looked like something out of a science fiction movie. My little team of doctors and nurses was filing into the room and when I heard them asking for a person from the NICU I asked if Dawn Verlangieri was available, since I know her from church. I wasn't panicked about the NICU nurse, I know that's standard thanks to my prepared childbirth class. ;) Another nurse asked me if I knew Dawn and I said yes, and she asked me if I went to Flipside. Turns out this lady was someone who I hadn't met, but my pastor had told me a lot about. I felt very comforted in this scary moment knowing that God had put someone familiar in there just to make me feel better!

I was crying pretty much the whole time. I had such mixed feelings. I was so scared and disappointed by having to go ahead with the c-section. I felt somehow robbed of the chance to deliver my son naturally. However, I was also very excited because in a matter of minutes I would be seeing his beautiful face for the first time.

At 8:54am, on Friday May 7th, Isaac Xavier was born. He was 8 pounds 14 ounces (no wonder he wasn't moving down!), and 20 inches long.

I got to see him only briefly before he and Aaron went to the nursery, and I was sewn (stapled) up and taken to recovery. Around 11am I was taken out of recovery and into my room. I expected to get to see my baby right away, but unfortunately he had some breathing trouble due to the meconium and they were monitoring him pretty closely. FINALLY around 1:15pm I got to actually hold my little guy for the first time.

I could not take my eyes off of him, of course. And sorry, friends, but he is the most beautiful baby ever. ;) We're getting the hang of things like breastfeeding and diaper changes and burping and swaddling, and while I am completely and utterly exhausted I am also completely and utterly overjoyed every time I look at my son. I love watching Aaron with him, I love the silly faces he makes, I love comforting him when he cries. He is my baby, the one I've been waiting for all this time.

And he is so worth every single tear I cried for want of him.

Gambling

So this is a hard day for me. I could have been induced today, but decided against it. I know in the long run it's the decision I will regret the least, however, today is another story.

I took a gamble with taking off work a week earlier than I had planned. My numbers seemed promising from my checkups, so I thought I was progressing just fine and would have the baby at least on time if not a *little* early (maybe a day or two, come on!).

And please spare me the whole "first babies don't come on time" spiel. Every woman's "birthing season" is between 37 and 42 weeks, as I learned from my prepared childbirth class. And I have 3 friends who had their first babies a week or two weeks before their due date in the past month. The due date is such an arbitrary date anyway, it doesn't mean ANYthing. And while I know that, it still sucks a whole lot to have passed it yesterday (and be passing the one my doc officially wrote in my chart today), and to still be sitting here pregnant.

ESPECIALLY since now I've already used 1 week of my leave, and I'm going on using 2 as of right now, and this baby may not even come NEXT week meaning I've wasted 3 weeks of time to spend with my son at home recovering and learning how to be a mom on sitting on my butt at home not being able to do anything because let's face it, at 39-40 weeks hugely pregnant I'm not exactly getting caught up on my spring cleaning over here. Sure, I got a couple things done last week, but it gets harder by the day.

SO, pardon my bitterness and my not wanting to answer phone calls or texts, but I'm DONE. The baby is DONE. He's already 8lbs by the doc's estimate from Monday. Who knows what the little heffer will be by the time he's actually born?

Add to the fact that it took us 2 long and terrifying years to get pregnant, and this pregnancy feels more like 144 weeks in the making than 40.

Pardon my pity party, I just needed to get this off my chest.

And yes, I've tried walking, I've tried my exercise ball, Aaron has been getting lucky, we've tried the nipple theory, I've been eating pineapple and other tropical fruit, and I've done a little bit of spicy food but it's a last resort because of the heartburn. So tonight, in observance of cinco de mayo we'll go get some spicy Mexican food. And YES, I know eventually he has to come out. I just want that to be naturally and sooner rather than later. :P

Dreft

Okay, I am feeling soooo much more like a mom when I do laundry. Ha. Something about washing those tiny socks and onesies... :)

But seriously, what is the addictive substance that they put in Dreft? Because seriously, I could sit there and smell clean baby clothes forEVer. It should be illegal!

9 days til my due date... hoping he's sooner rather than later, especially with this lovely new development of an itchy rash on my legs and feet. Oy vey. It will be worth it!!!

Food

Things I want brought to the hospital for me to eat while I'm recovering after Isaac's born:

• Chocolate shake from In N Out
• Jamon Y Queso from Viva Madrid
• Sangria from Viva Madrid
• Italian BMT from Subway
• Torpedo Sub from Maguinness' family deli
• Taco/Enchilada combo from Miguel's Jr.
• SHRIMP! Either scampi from Red Lobster or grilled from Benihana/Wabi Sabi (just not fried, yuck!)
• Brie, flat or pita bread, and serrano ham from Trader Joe's (basically whatever Aaron and I would pack for a picnic)

Okay, so they're not all practical or realistic but a girl can dream! I'm seriously missing some of these foods after being either not allowed to eat them because of listeria risk, mercury poisoning, or heartburn.